Slowly Evolving [testimony|evidence|suspects|psychoanalysis]
Mark Lim

[ primal drawings | PoisonApple.com ]
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Mmm... I’m going insane. Let’s get fat! [Jun. 25th, 2008|04:53 pm]
Since I'm slowly going crazy I've decided that I should document it. I recently purchased the site www.OhSoFat.com so you all can see all the unhealthy food I eat.




I always see these TV fast food commercials with their fancy super burgers and amazing looking meals but none of them ever really look like what they're supposed to when they're sitting right in front of you.


I'm sick of it.


I've decided to try all these foods I see in commercials and show you what they really look like.


The New Burger King Steakhouse Burger:



So if you're interested in some weird food blogs and pictures of deformed food come check out my new site :)



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06/16/08 - Who cares? I do! [Jun. 16th, 2008|10:18 pm]

He who eats alone chokes alone.  ~Proverb

I eat 9 out of 10 meals by myself and I've gotten into some pretty bad habits. Yes, I lick my plates clean and make strange farm animal sounds when no one is around. So what? As I begin my journey into cranky-old-man-dom I realize that I shouldn't give a $*% and it'd be nice to associate with other people who also don't give a $*%. I like licking my plates and mooing. Big deal.

My shameful manners have made me realize that I put way too much value on what other people think.



Yes, it's ridiculous to lap up sauce off a plate in public but who cares? I have to stop letting people's opinions be the deciding factor in everything I do especially over stupid things. Starting today I'm going to say what I mean more often. If someone asks me to go out and I don't want to I'll just let them know instead of making up a story about how a burglar stole all of my shoes and now I can't go anywhere because I'd be barefoot. This is going to be really hard for me but I'm going to stick to it for a week and see how it goes. Oh and I know that pie chart was pointless but I don't care. I felt like making one even thought it was stupid. I guess that's my first act of freedom, lol.

Anyway, the Father's Day gorging started on Saturday. We went to a buffet called Cima in a country club. No, I did not lick my plate clean there.



Mmm... unlimited food...


Dad & Juice


Mom & Juice


Mark & Coconut Juice


Lobster, Crab Legs, and Jellyfish! Weird! But I don't care what you think :)


Lobsters and Lamb chops. Baaaaaaa

It's $50 a person to eat there and it was really nice inside but the food wasn't very good. I had to force myself to stuff my face because I knew all I had waiting for me at home were frozen dinners. After that I went to my friend Allison's 80's themed birthday party and had a really nice time. I didn't take any pictures though because I didn't want everyone to think I was an Asian tourist. I have to get over that.

On Sunday we had my Uncle and Aunt and some of their family over to my parent's house for a BBQ. My mother told me to bring a slip and slide for their autistic son, Joshua. He got naked and just danced around the water. He doesn't care what people think.




Nothing goes with cake like a Margarita

I didn't know what gift to get my dad so I brokered a deal with him. Instead of buying him a ton of crappy gifts I said I would buy him something big and expensive but I would be absolved from getting him anything for the next 2 years. This includes Birthday, Father's Day, Christmas, and if I do something bad and have to make up for it with a gift. He told me he wanted a receiver for the entertainment center. I looked it up and it retails for $1,699. Geez. Luckily I found it for $1,049 online and it's being shipped to me this week.


There's just too much going on here

I figure 2 birthdays, a couple Christmases, and another Father's day. That works out to $209.80 per event. Not too bad. Hopefully it'll save me money in the long run.

Business has been ok but there's so much more I can do. I got killed on Ebay this week because of Father's day. Hopefully I'll make up for it with next weeks auctions:

Ebay Auctions for Next Week!!! :)

Other than that I haven't been up to anything except slowly going crazy. My roommate just shot a cork out of a wine bottle and it almost hit me in the eye. I told him I had a long day and would have snapped and smashed a chair over his head if it had hit me and he said it would have been worth it. I hope everyone had a good week. I look forward to not caring what you think :)

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06/08/08 - Happy Birthday Mark [Jun. 8th, 2008|10:14 pm]
On my 26th birthday I convinced myself that, no, I am not in panic mode just yet. There is still plenty of time to amass an army and conquer the Americas.


Napoleon was 27 when he won the Battle of Lodi. I've still got a year.

My cake. Thank you, Mam.

"Mark - Dad and Mam"


I wanted to do a belly flop into the cake in my white jacket so bad


Best Buy Stimulus Check   


A Super Wallet for all the spoils of war


What do you get someone who says they don't need anything? An Earthquake Survival Kit for when Cloverfield happens.


A Mini Electric Lawn Mower for my Zen Garden
 
I was delivering shirts to the post office on my birthday when a woman saw the designs on my car and stopped me in the parking lot. She told me she was the president of the Ovarian Cancer Orange County Alliance and they were having a fund raiser called the Rods and Hogs Poker Run. Normally the greedy little Asian gnome on my shoulder would have called her a pan handler and told her to shake her can of coins somewhere else but I figured I was a year older and a year wiser and I should stop listening to my tiny selfish friend. She asked if I would donate some shirts as prizes for the charity event and I said, "Why not?"

Maybe this "helping people" who "need it" might be my thing. Maybe it'll fill the void that I've recently been trying to fill with birthday cake. All I know is that I'm a little obsessive compulsive and whatever I do I have to do it well. I could be really good at this. Maybe instead of taking over the world I can make it a better place. Yeah. I think that's the new goal. Changing the world one shirt at a time. Oh, I'm also going to wear a cape.

You can't wear a cape unless you are helping people or you'll just look crazy. That's it. The cape sold me. I'm fighting for Good.
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06/01/08 - I Bought a New Girlfriend [Jun. 1st, 2008|08:24 pm]
It's been a while since I've been sweaty. I'd like to think it's because I have a highly evolved system for cooling my body but it's probably because I've been lazy. I'm trying to change that.

In preparation for the summer heat I went jogging outside for the first time in years which didn't kill me as I predicted. I also drove my car without blasting the air conditioner like I normally do as a test of strength and will but it might have caused me to hallucinate.


I think I saw giant bears roaming the freeway.

Hopefully after a few weeks I will have trained my body not to crumple like a fudgesickle under the rays of the sun and I'll be able to do outdoorsy things.

My birthday is coming up (06/06) but I normally don't celebrate it. This year I decided to buy myself a new girlfriend:


Ohh baby, treat me right!

We've already started fighting thanks to Windows 64 Vista and its bitchiness. "Wha-Wha-Wha! So what if I don't work with your Ipod and your old hardware? Go buy me new stuff, you cheapskate!" She wont shut up.

It was actually cool because when when I drove up to Circuit City the people that worked there saw my car and treated me like I was important. I didn't have to make a scene about why they won't price match a website ad or have to fight to get someone to help me. They asked me about my shirts and my company and what kind of graphics work I was going to do with my new computer. It was nice.

Here's what I got myself: 24'' HP Monitor with a HDMI High Definition connection:





For all you other techno nerds I also got an HP Media center computer with:

• Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600
• 750GB hard drive
• 4GB of DDR2 memory
• Built-in TV tuner (For recording live TV)
• NVIDIA GeForce 8500 GT graphics with 512MB dedicated memory
• WiFi
• And other bells and whistles

It's cool because I basically have a Tivo now and it comes with a remote so I can use the computer from my bed. Now if I can get a toilet installed where my old TV used to be I won't ever have to leave my room.

I'm happy for now :) Oh, I'm getting killed on Ebay this week so if you want a shirt from me for cheap go check it out now:

Cheap Poison Apple Shirts on Ebay!!!!!

Oh. I'm bored as hell. I miss high school because everyone was forced to hang out with each other. My friends are too busy doing their own things. They invite me out but it's usually a couples event and that just drives me nuts so I've been staying at home the past couple weeks working. I guess that'll be good for me in the long run. It might be time for a change though. My fortune cookies have all been telling me to take big risks. Those Chinese know their shit.

Well, I'm off to make life better for myself when I turn 30. At least that's what I tell myself. Work hard, Play later. I'm hoping it pays off.
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05/27/08 - Uh... I think I bought an old Porn site... [May. 27th, 2008|08:57 pm]
For some reason Myspace has been disabling the link to my webpage (www.PoisonApple.com) and I didn't know why. A few of my friends also told me that their work blocked my site so it wouldn't load while they were supposed to be doing their jobs. I didn't figure out till just recently....

I bought an old porn site! Haha!


Back in 1998 this was like... hot? Yeah. Hot.


I thought that was funny and wanted to share that with you guys :)

Memorial Day was awesome... for my friends and family who went on vacation. I worked all weekend sorting dirty clothes for my dad's dry cleaners and printing stacks of Angel Wings shirts.





I did end up getting to hang out with my old friend, Danica, who I found out is way too cool for me anyway.



Business has been great and I just wanted to thank everyone who has bought shirts or told a friend about my work.


If you guys ever need any help with questions about screen printing, Photoshop, making animations, or buying old porn websites just let me know :)

I've been looking at foreclosure houses and I figure that if I live like a hobo for the next year I can probably afford to get one. There's lots of literature out there for house hunting tips but I found that The Onion Volume 13 circa 2002 book I keep in the bathroom has given me the most interesting advice:

1) The first step in buying a new home is having much more money than you do now.
2) Avoid purchasing a home that is on fire or underwater
3) On any house purchase, be sure to save the receipt in case anything goes wrong.
4) If you are a black family, try to move into an all-white neighborhood. Your arrival will drive property values down, saving your white neighbors a substantial amount in property taxes and making them your friends overnight
5) When looking at a house your wife doesn't like, don't let the real-estate agent pressure you with "whipping" sounds
6) Make sure the neighborhood has a good high school, one close enough to see with a telescope.
7) After becoming a homeowner, be prepared to see your political ideology swing violently to the right.
8) If you cannot afford the home of your dreams, perhaps you can afford the home of Barbie's dreams.
9) Just buy the first house you see. They're all pretty good.



I hope everyone has a good week :)

~Mark Lim
Porn Site Owner
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